Part 4 And then ADHD

AND THEN ADHD

December 17, 2019

Information about ADHD in adulthood at gemeinsam-adhs-begegnen.de

English: ADHD

Already in the first psychotherapy session we addressed the topic of ADD (attention deficit disorder).

I always suspected it a little. But what really worried me was that drugs that were supposed to relax and calm me down were actually stimulating me. This paradoxical reaction to medication is another indication that the nerves in my brain aren't working quite right.

During my laser eye surgery, I thought for the first time that something was wrong. I was sitting in the airlock with two other women shortly before the operation, we were all given a tablet to calm our nerves. While the two women said they suddenly felt good and much calmer, my heart was pounding in my throat.

Now it's official that not everything is going right up there. That really didn't surprise anyone. Now I can say:

I am not Insane, I had tested myself 😉

One session later, hyperactivity could also be added.

When our first son was a toddler, I read up on the subject out of curiosity. I never thought for a second that he could have it. Interestingly, I recognized myself in the article.

It is not always just the eternal fidgets; even very quiet children can suffer from it.

Although it wasn't so much of a problem for me when I was younger. I was just really into painting and drawing manga and could immerse myself in novels for days on end. I could still do that today if I had the chance. Things got bad at school, training and work. I had a hard time concentrating, I was always daydreaming and often only half-listening. I have my schoolmates to thank for the fact that I was a good average student, who gave me their homework to copy and one or two of them had the patience of an angel when explaining things to me.

Even today, lectures are torture for me. Sitting, listening to a topic that is of little interest to me, remembering AND understanding it is completely overwhelming for me.

I always knew that something wasn't normal with me. Everyone else around me behaved like an adult and went about their duties. I always distracted myself from work. Becoming self-employed was the best decision for me; I finally enjoyed my work and could immerse myself in it.

Of course, that alone does not indicate ADHD; it is of course normal to enjoy doing chores less than doing pleasant things.

But I tortured myself internally for everything. If I had been diagnosed as a child, it wouldn't have been any easier. But knowing it has stabilized my emotional world a little. I now know why I often overreact. I'm inappropriately euphoric or go from zero to 180 in situations where others just take a quick breather.

Psychotherapy is intended to help me learn to recognize my own patterns that entangle me in a vicious circle and to steer them in other directions.

Unfortunately, the diagnosis of ADHD and fibromyalgia is not enough. There are still many issues to work through that caused me to react to events the way I do. Once all of my problems have been examined, we can finally start to solve the problem. I also thought that it would go faster. 5 sessions later, I remembered too much and felt too much again. I had repressed it for long enough. But letting it out wasn't nice either. But I won't let it consume me anymore.

If my therapist wasn't so good, I would have turned my back on it long ago. I really have to thank the people who really pushed me to do it. It feels incredibly good to understand yourself. Your head becomes clearer and that is a good way to find peace in order to counteract the fibromyalgia or to work better with it.

Note: November 2024

I was in therapy for a year and learned a lot and was able to put it into practice. I'm far from being a new person. But I'm more understanding of myself and others.

Above all, I can clearly see so many things from my childhood that I was blamed for (and that I ultimately blamed myself for). I was able to shed a lot of "guilt" and "burden" because everything was blamed on a misunderstood child.

And it is not my job to excuse the behavior of adults at that time. They could have decided to be there for me.

This realization helps a lot in not burdening yourself with everything that has happened or is happening in your life and everyday life. This is very helpful for fibromyalgia, because I can push this stress away from me and it doesn't feed the pain any further.